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Texas — All Hat, No Brain | davelovell.net
Sep 272010

If you ever have trou­ble get­ting to sleep at night, I’ve pub­lished three text­books on Amer­i­can His­tory — guar­an­teed to put you right out!  Lately I’ve been dread­ing an email from my pub­lisher, its about time to do some updat­ing and that’s never any fun.  Yes­ter­day I did get an email, but it wasn’t about an update or a new edi­tion — in fact I really thought it was a joke so I gave them a call.

After I hung-up the phone, I sat in stunned dis­be­lief — Texas has been taken over by Nazis.

The Texas State Board of Edu­ca­tion has decided that it will only pur­chase his­tory text­books that align to its own twisted, racist and moronic ver­sion of our Nation’s past.  Maybe next they can rewrite some Physics books that con­tinue to assert that whole stu­pid grav­ity thing.  All that’s left is for the school board to sched­ule the giant book burn­ings that will fol­low the statewide round-up of all those offen­sive, fact-filled books that they’d been using in the past.

Back to that email from my pub­lisher.  They wanted to know if I would con­sent to a rewrite of the offen­sive por­tions of my books, so that they could con­tinue to be sold in Texas.  Let me tell you, I really had to take a minute and think that one over.  Before I tell you what my reply was, let me share a few of the cor­rec­tions required by the Texas board of troglodytes.

First of all, Texas texts are to stress that Amer­ica is a chris­t­ian land gov­erned by chris­t­ian prin­ci­ples — that’s just so igno­rant that I’m going to leave it alone.  Next, Thomas Jef­fer­son seems to have offended them with his whole sep­a­ra­tion of church & state thingy — so much so that Texas specif­i­cally requires that he no longer be men­tioned as a “pri­mary fig­ure” dur­ing the found­ing of the coun­try. Really…WTF?  Uhm, Texas…just in case you’re read­ing this, or hav­ing some­one from Arkansas read it to you — HE WROTE THE F*#%KING DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE — how the hell do you have the stones to demand his removal as a “founder?”  While I’m at it, how the hell does this bunch of knuckle-draggers have the gaul to say any­thing about the con­tents of a school book — I want to see their tran­scripts — if a sin­gle one of them had a bet­ter GPA than I did.… I’ll shut-up.

Let’s see, what else — Slav­ery is no longer to be cov­ered in any­way other than as just part of the Tri­an­gle Trade, just a bad habit that the British stuck us with and that we even­tu­ally did away with (if, by even­tu­ally, you mean 170 years).  Edward Kennedy and Cesar Chavez are out — in Texas, they never existed.  Oh, and one of my favorite demands — Ronald Rea­gan is to be por­trayed as a national hero who cham­pi­oned the resur­gence of con­ser­vatism that saved the coun­try dur­ing the 80’s and 90’s — (from what I don’t know).  Really!  I swear I’m not mak­ing this up!  I guess all that Con­tra fund­ing Arms for Hostages stuff is just my faulty mem­ory, along with his mon­key movies.

I really do hate play­ing the Nazi/Fascist card — but what the hell else is this?  Rewrit­ing your own his­tory to serve a polit­i­cal ide­ol­ogy is the first call out of the Nazi play­book, that and find­ing a minor­ity to round up.

Ok, so have you guessed what I told my pub­lisher? Let’s just say that I para­phrased Moses (or Charl­ton Hes­ton, who once played Moses in a movie)

They can have my text­book when they pry it out of my cold dead hand

  3 Responses to “Texas — All Hat, No Brain”

  1. I love the irony of your Hes­ton quote, but I fear for my life as I pre­pare to move to Texas this sum­mer. Ugh! How do they get away with this shit?!?

  2. Pas­sion the site– really indi­vid­ual friendly and lots to see!|

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