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Old Dog, New Trick - Want My Biscuit! | davelovell.net
Nov 292011

A few months ago I bought three bow ties, they were good ones (said the sales dude) and half-off the already 75% reduc­tion – or about $3 each.  I applauded my fru­gal­ity and kept peek­ing at the orig­i­nal price tags that showed $40 and how badly I had beaten the man!

new tie, old neck…

Once the heady rush of my retail con­quest had faded, a trou­bling bit of real­ity wormed its way into my con­scious­ness – tying a bow tie was a man-skill that I lacked.  I might just as well have pur­chased three new slide rules for all the good they were gonna do me.  I will turn 48 tomor­row and I have made my peace with the skill set that I pos­sess, why trou­ble myself with the chal­lenge of learn­ing some­thing that I should have learned long ago when my brain was more learny.

But then I took my meds and googled-up a video how-to on the manly secrets of the bow tie!

BTW; I’ve been in this sit­u­a­tion before; when I was a boy my father bought me a bike that I didn’t know how to ride, so I pushed it around the neigh­bor­hood for a cou­ple weeks until some­one took pity on me and gave me a les­son, and a push.  Years later, uncom­fort­ably aware that 25 year old men should know how to drive a stick-shift; I bought a new truck with a man­ual trans­mis­sion.  Told the sales­man that I didn’t need a test drive, signed the papers – and then sat in my new truck at the deal­er­ship until it closed and I could clutch, gas, shift… stall, all the way home.

Any­who… cou­ple things I learned about tie tying videos on YouTube.  First, it looks like a mirror…it is not!  My early attempts at copy­ing what I saw in the videos left me with severe left-brain, right-brain con­fu­sion.  In the men’s room I tried to unzip my fly and wound up but­ton­ing my jacket…(?)  Sec­ondly, most of the videos seem to be made by men with British accents, this trig­gered my latent IRA and I had flashes that this had all been an elab­o­rate ruse by the Brits to get me to hang myself.

After about an hour of watch­ing the smug coun­te­nances of the non-knot impaired, I decided to find a real mir­ror, and give it try myself, sans lap­top!  Eight attempts left me with a desire to actu­ally do what the Brits wanted… but then, on the 9th try – suc­cess.  I looped, wrapped, bowed, pulled through and presto! I bow tie appeared around my neck.  Only remain­ing prob­lem; I have no idea what I did dif­fer­ently on try #9 than I had on num­bers 1 thru 8.

A stronger man might have undone the knot and repeated the process until it became a mus­cle mem­ory – I am not that man.  Right now I am a man in a bow tie, proud as any old dog with a new trick!  and I deserve a biscuit…

 Posted by at 8:20 am

  2 Responses to “Old Dog, New Trick — Want My Biscuit!”

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