I’m a little more worried about Paul Ryan after his acceptance speech at the RNC — I assumed the big flaming media would pick-up on my new concern; but not a peep. Guess it’s up to me…again.
During a section of his speech when he seemed to be targeting the hipster demographic (not a natural demo for the Mittster…) he made a Sesame Street “one of these things is not like the other” comparison between himself and the Mitt concerning their ipod music collections. He compared Mitt’s to elevator music… omg, just so, so really funny!
Anywho; in this he tossed himself the ultimate non-breaking fat-one right over his own plate. All he had to do was decide which demographic to pander to and then faux fill his ipod with the appropriate tunes. I’m told that his handlers had a tough time convincing him that the 74 different polka bands that actually fill his ipod would only appeal to a very small demographic of people; those who see cheese as really nifty head-wear …and he already has their vote.
They went for the Classic Rock crowd; a victory for the VH1’ers over the MTV’ers — so far, so good. Possibly his staffers began to name a few bands that would appeal to the refined tastes of the conventionites; Foghat, Skynard, Kiss, maybe even the Motor City Madman hisself. It seems that Ryan stopped them, insisting that he could rock this list all on his own… and maybe even alphabetically!
And so he did; “…on my ipod, it starts with AC-DC and ends with Zepplin.”
When I heard him say it I grabbed hard onto my barcalounger, expecting to see the gathered throng storm the stage, and drag Ryan off for a little refresher on what it means to be a real American — since he clearly forgot. But they didn’t storm, nor did they drag… wtf?
I’m sure that you were as shocked as I, and even more so as the following days produced a complete lack of outrage and indignation at the blatant anti-Americanism displayed by this seemingly wholesome Wisconsin product (Ryan, not cheese…)
Please don’t misunderstand me — I’m no musical xenophobe; I can accept that Clapton is god and I’ve made my peace with Kennedy for allowing the Beatles to invade — but while my “made in the USA” ears can appreciate the Brits, they will always be able to hear the foreignness (socialized medicine makes the guitars sound funny). And Mr. Ryan; the RNC is no place to be admitting to a musical preference for foreignness!
What’s next? When someone asks him for a flashlight will he apologize and say that he left his torch in the boot of his auto? Will his Big Mac and Fries become Fish & Chips? Or even worse; will he begin to mispronounce “schedule” through rapidly decaying, but formerly pearly white teeth?
Maybe you missed it, maybe the media did as well — but I know Karl Rove didn’t. As we speak a Crossroads GPS team of Americanization Specialists are being HALO dropped onto Ryan’s next campaign stop. They’ll purge the pub culture right out of our young Ayn Randier. I hope the drop goes well — the last thing the RNC needs is a story of how Ryan’s campaign bus caused a traffic pile-up because it was driving down the wrong-side of the road… Cheerio!